Be all that you can be (jn the Army?!)

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. ~Edward Everett Hale

This trip hasn’t been for me. Sure, I’ve gotten some amazing memories and moments of deep emotional revelation out of it, but my goal for this trip has and will continue to be what I can do to share the Love selflessly and wholeheartedly. A volunteer who just began this week remarked on the way home, “I hope I am helping. I feel that I am, but it’s hard to know if us being at the orphanage is really making a difference.” It’s a natural thought, and something that I’ve pondered a lot while I’ve been here.

What this wonderful woman has not seen is what happens when we, as volunteers, leave. For the last three weeks a group of about 15 Spaniards have been volunteering with the disabled group at the orphanage. I was originally signed up to help with the disabled, but the orphanage said they wouldn’t need my help in that area because the Spaniards had it covered. And boy were they right! They pushed those children and young adults around, cared for them like they were their own, and loved on each and every child they came into contact with. The kids surrounded them as they sang wonderful songs from their hearts and many, whom I never knew could walk, got up out of their wheelchairs and danced.

The Spaniards went home late last week, and seeing the disabled children without them this week showed me that we are in fact making a difference as volunteers. Most of the kids no longer had smiles on their faces, many were acting out, and the overall feel of the disabled group was that of sorrow. How it breaks my heart that I’m sure they’re wondering what happened to their new close and loving friends!

We are making a difference. We may not see it, but it’s there. Whether it’s giving a brief break to the nurse who is in the middle of a 12 hour shift or rocking a less than 24 hour baby as he cries competitively amongst the 38 other newborns, we’re making a difference. Maybe I’m typing this solely to convince myself, as it’s hard to remember that I can make any sort of dent in the some of the saddest of circumstances.

My hope is that I am coming across as a Spaniard. Because this isn’t about me, but about giving all that I have and 10% more to a cause that is so important. My prayer is that I can help plant the seed of hope in things greater. After all, that’s what faith is: hoping in the unseen.

Motherly Love

Another day has come and gone at the orphanage with not much new to report. I noticed an extra bed in the newborn room this morning as I was feeding and quickly scanned the room to see a brand new little face in the corner that must had been dropped off in the last 24 hours. It’s overwhelming to think of not only what this little guy has in store for the coming years, but what his mother went through and continues to go through. Some of you may wonder why so many women leave their babies, a heartless and incomprehensible act to many of us Westerners. Allow me to explain a little bit of what I’ve learned.

Many of the children at the orphanage are born to prostitutes and majority of them are born out of wedlock. Women that become pregnant out of wedlock are quickly shunned by the community, and either asked to leave their town or leave on their own out of shame. Forget single parenthood; unless you’re divorced or widowed, you and your children are not accepted in the community. With an orphanage in all of the major cities, some of these women from smaller cities purposefully travel to a place where they know their child may have a chance at life.

Abandoning a child is a whole other challenge. As it is illegal in Morocco to abandon a child, it’s important for the women to leave a baby where they know someone will find it but where she won’t risk being known or caught out of fear of imprisonment. The medina, a busy and crowded location, is a popular place, as well as: hospitals, besides trash cans, and virtually anywhere where people will be guaranteed to be are prime locations here in Morocco.

So, some of you still may ask, “How could they ever do that?” While I don’t know the answer to that and I’m still baffled myself, I learned that unfortunately the story doesn’t stop there. It is common for the husband’s family to inspect bedding after a married couples first night together. If there is no evidence that she is a virgin, the consequences can be tragic. So despite being shunned from her community, moving to a city where she doesn’t know anyone, birthing a child by herself in a dangerous environment, and leaving the tiny being that she grew and brought into the world… Many of these women can never get married and have the family that they always dreamed of and are expected to have. Because of this, the women that weren’t prostitutes before tend to begin to prostitute to make a life for themselves. Don’t even get me started on the women who were impregnated from sexual assault and then blamed for the event!

I commend these women for going through such lengths to ensure their child has a chance. I can only imagine what the mother of the less than one day old newborn is feeling right now. God Bless her!

Yes, this is heavy stuff, and it’s probably not a lot of fun to read. I promise it’s not always like this here, and there have been some fun times as well. But I promised myself this blog would be about what’s on my heart, and not an “Everything is wonderful and I’m saving the children of Africa” blog. I’ll try to mix it up a little and tell you of all the awesome and fun things I’ve been doing as well tomorrow. For now, B’slaama and goodnight!

PS- Thanks to everyone for posting comments!! It totally makes my day to hear from you all!

“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned” ~William Somerset Maugham

Happy Wednesday to you all!

The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, and it’s another beautiful day here in Africa. I have yet to use the sweatshirt and raincoat I brought; never mind the one long sleeve I brought “just in case”. After all, I’m in AFRICA!

Today was another eye-opening day at the orphanage. After feeding some super cute newborns, I made a mad dash down to the toddlers and took two little boys out today. Most of the girls are adopted by the age of 18mos, so it’s just a room full of boys and a few disabled girls. I was put in charge of Speed Racer and Koala Bear, otherwise known as Safeen and Nazir. Safeen spent his time running around watching me chase after him with his buddy on my hip. I was rescued by another volunteer and got to spend some time with my little Koala Bear.

Nazir latches onto you with both hands in a grip that can’t be broken. He has got to be about 15mos and his eyes are half-shut most of the time with the most sorrowful look on his face. The second you sit down, or, heaven forbid, set him down on the ground, he begins to let out this very sad little cry and usually won’t stop until you’re up and swaying again. Today was my first day with him and I decided to rock him sitting down and started singing to him,

“Draw me close to you,
Never let me go…”

His crying slowly dissipated and I continued to sing all the slow paced worship songs that came to mind. He leaned his little head on my chest as I continued to rock and sing. When I stopped he pulled his head back, looked up at me, and put his pointer finger on my lips and slowly opened my mouth again. When I started singing again his eyes locked onto watching my lips move, and then slowly moved his focus onto my eyes. My voice cracked, and tears started coming down my face as I looked into those sorrowful eyes! How I wish I could take all the pain away and lift the burden off of his tiny little shoulders.

“He loves us,
Oh how he loves us…”

It's hard not to get angry and question why such things are happening to such little souls. The only option is to have faith that it will get better for him. That he will be in the small 25% that will be adopted at one point in his childhood, and that someone will love him very very much.

Afterall, that's exactly what faith is; hope in that which we do not see.

"Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility" ~Kate Douglas Wiggin

Today was Day 2 of my new schedule at the orphanage. It is SO MUCH BETTER than the class of the WWW! Allow me to back up…

The orphanage is an old hospital that is two stories. I’ve been on the first floor with the older children this whole time and was finally able to go upstairs and see the babies yesterday! Mohamed (our Country Director) led me into a large room separated into three smaller areas with…Drum roll, please… 38 newborns. The oldest can’t be more than four or five months old and the youngest are easily preemie and still not yet at their correct birth age (we’re talking days old and some less than 3lbs). I was quickly given a little girl of about 6 weeks and told to feed her a scorching hot bottle (for the moms out there, we’re talking 8oz 4+hours apart at just days old because they don’t have time to feed 40 newborns 2-4oz every 2 hours as we would back home). As she was sucking down her glass bottle with a giant plastic nipple that has an opening as long as the width of my fingernail, I tried to console Mustapha who was having a coronary over not getting his fix first.

It’s crazy. To think about how I ran to the little girl I nanny back home when she was a newborn at every and any random sound or squeak she made, and how there are now 15 newborns around me crying louder and harder than any sane person would ever want to hear… Well, it was a bit much to say the least. These kids don’t have a mom, dad, and nanny to run to their every need. At just days old, it’s already survival of the fittest and a competition. I tried to feed the babes as fast as I could and still give them some personal time before setting them back in their see-through plastic “You’ve just been born” crib before moving on to feed another starving face. After all the babies are fed the nurses shoo us out the door so they can sleep, and we move on to the toddlers down the hallway.

Yesterday I was in charge of a little black her named Iman who is said to be about 2 ½. She is absolutely gorgeous and just a kick to be around! She is one of the few girls left in her age group and I believe she has some sort of mentally disability because she still doesn’t talk at all (her disability means she will never be adopted). She knows what she wants though, and is a fast little bugger as she runs down the forbidden halls, clueless that I’m getting dirty looks and shakes of the finger from all the nurses! Today I was asked to take little Illyas out, who must be about 14 months and is not yet walking. It looks like he had some sort of leg surgery around his upper calf area, and I found a lump on his foot. I’m dying to know- was he given up after they found the lumps, or did he just get dealt a bad hand with being both an orphan and having some sort of illness that causes tumors?

The work continues to be a challenge, and I’m still beyond grateful that I’ve had this opportunity. As I walked into the newborn room, it was as I jumped in a time machine and could picture doing the same thing several years from now as an adoptive mother. I don’t know how it will work, when it will happen, and what the circumstances will be, but I am beyond certain that it WILL happen. There is no way I could ever walk away from what I’ve experienced in just these couple of weeks. I wish I could take the entire clan of 250+ plus at the orphanage home with me, but I will remain hopeful that one day (a long time from now), I will grow to love a similar little soul as my own.

I couldn’t be more excited!

Mom pants, Imodium, and all things necessary

Salaam!
Morocco is approaching quickly. I went out and got some "Ramadan friendly" clothing (shirts that cover the shoulders, very loose fitting, etc. etc.). I can't seem to find loose, lightweight pants that are long enough to save my life. My sister's friend recently visited Iran and she found some at Chico's... Looks like I'll be sporting the dreaded mom pants! I also put together a fantastic First Aid kit complete with Imodium and all things necessary.

I have a conference call meeting on Tuesday, August 4th (I leave the 7th), to go over final details with fellow volunteers and my Program Manager.

I'm also hoping to find out my work placement in the next week or so- keep your fingers crossed! From there I will begin planning for my placement. We are in charge of activities and entertainment for our placements, so if for example I work with children at the local Children's Hospital, it is my job to put together creative art projects and entertainment to keep them busy and distracted from what they're going through. We are not to bring any supplies with us, but only use what is given to us in Morocco to ensure our position is the community is supportive without them becoming dependant on us.

My French class was cancelled due to low enrollment so I'm back to learning French from my Scottish friends on iTunes. I'm also practicing my Moroccan Arabic. I'm not sure if it has to do with my lack of uvula or I'm just not skilled in that area, but I cannot seem to make the words sound even CLOSE to what they sound like on my trusty Moroccan Arabic CD! ::sigh::

That's about it for now! Back to cleaning, unpacking before I start re-packing again, organizing, list-making, language studying, and gearing up!

That's right. A fit of JOY!

to: Nicole Griswold <nicolegris@gmail.com>
date: Tue, Jun 23, 2009 at 2:41 PM
subject: RE: Language Classes

Salaam Nicole!

Great to hear from you... I love that you’re thinking of taking language classes. French will definitely help a lot in getting around. Many people in Rabat speak French and those in the service professions (restaurants, hotels, taxis, trains, etc) largely speak French as well. It would be great if you had some phrases in both French and Arabic.

Now for your question…it’s true that Moroccan Arabic and Modern Standard Arabic are different. For classes taught on Arabic in the US and Canada…it’s usually the case that the Arabic taught is either Egyptian Colloquial Arabic or Modern Standard Arabic (MSA). If you learn some words in either MSA or Egyptian, you’ll be understood, though the pronunciation for those words in Moroccan Arabic may be different. If you’d like to chat more about this, let me know!

As far as work assignments…our Morocco staff will be deciding the work placements about 2 weeks before the program starts. During the month of August, most volunteers have the opportunity to work with the orphanage and/or the Children’s Hospital. Stay tuned!

Cheers,Sharon

********
to: Sharon
date: Tue, Jun 23, 2009 at 3:58 PM
subject: Re: Language Classes

Salaam!

Oh my goodness, I think I actually experienced a fit of joy with the news that I might be able to work in a Childrens Hospital while there!!! I volunteer weekly in the Emergency Department of the local Childrens Hospital and ABSOLUTELY love it. My dream is to work there as a nurse one day. Ahhhh, Morocco is just getting more and more exciting.

Thanks for the info regarding language, that is fantastic to know. I just put in an Amazon order for the "Learn Moroccan Arabic" CD, a workbook to learn Arabic script, and other handy books including a phrasebook. I think I'll additionally take that French class for travelers from a local language academy (I've been learning French from a Scottish dude for free on iTunes and while it's entertaining, it's not quite cutting it!)
Okay, all for now.

Thanks, Sharon!
Nicole